I talk to my brother more now. Last night he didn’t have a lot to say. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t. I was the one running the conversation. You’d think the torture computer would stumble without inspiration to guide it but I doesn’t. My conversation in such a case becomes about random topics. It is like the torture operator is trying to throw topics into the conversation as they think of them and like there is more then one operator thinking of topics to talk about. The computer can hold its own. It just doesn’t flow correctly. Leading a conversation only happens with my closest relationship. The torture group favors them over others. In other conversations I’m meek and self-conscious.
My neighbor on one side of me is doing construction. This means strangers can hear me if and when the torture group makes me cough and hack all day while I smoke. Though they decide to occasionally hold back on the coughing for the other neighbors they react to these construction people as if they were familiar to me and therefore tolerate their presence better. I think because of who they are working for. The family and my torturers like these neighbors more then others. That means I react to the strangers as if they were not there unless I’m right next to them or can see them. Then I act paranoid and self-conscious. But I’ve coughed and spit and worse when they were around and could hear me. The torture group will often hold off my gross behavior if it knows my neighbors or strangers are around. But not with these people.
I haven’t gone into my mother’s office to help out since last week. I was asked to go regularly three times a week. Because it is the holiday and my mother is off doing volunteer work herself at fireworks booths she isn’t working and neither am I. This morning the torture group halfheartedly suggested I might be ticking of my mother’s secretary by being absent but not working the booth. A complicated way to blame me for their actions of physically controlling me. I don’t think I’ll be going in to do any work. They only want me to feel guilt and shame. Unless they verbally mention the issue I won’t be thinking of it. Because my torture is too full to allow my thoughts to wander. Also I don’t care. I’ll worry about my actions when they are mine own actions again.
When I’m not writing about myself, my day and my own torture the torture group likes to go looking for torture reports from other victims to find a topic to discuss. They don’t look very hard. They don’t keep up with any one person or website. I’m not a big participant in the other victim’s torture reports. I’m just a casual occasional reader. The torture group is seeking out inspiration for how to create my social media contributions. They too can have nothing to contribute and need a shove in the right direction. Perhaps running my torture and also running my social media has worn them because they’ve been throwing fits here and there. I’d say that is more of a torture attack then an actual torturer operator behavior. They do it too much for it to be deemed anything but temporarily set into my torture schedule.