With yesterday’s Christmas family gathering still fresh on my mind I can describe how the torture group functions in a social situation. Let me set the scene. I’m thirty-two years old. Twenty-eight years a torture victim. Seven years a schizophrenic torture victim. My behavior is well established yet still questioned by others. They think I’m different and a little weird.
I get a little quiet when everyone else starts talking. I’m better in one on one conversation. Especially brief conversations. The torture computer controlling me can’t manage too much off the cuff activity on my part. I make what the torture computer and the torture operators consider faux pas regularly. It’s part of my perceived personality. I’m going to commit a mistake somehow for every action I do. The computer is never operating seamlessly.
It’s hard to even speak. I’m at a loss for how to behave. The computer has to switch conversation or be quiet or it gets lost. This makes me seem flighty or aloof. But people still like me. I isolate myself as much as possible. Which being a smoker gives me many chances. When the gathering is over my torture switches into a medium to high intensity torture attack often for about an hour. Like the torture group is making up for lost time.