Talk it Out, Talk it Out

Since some time into my anxiety torture, which began in 1996 and lasted until 2011, I’ve gotten a very showy attack. I relive the past. I hear the thought voice and other voices play acting out past events from social interactions I’ve had. Then I join in either with a repeat of what I said during that conversation or an improvement on my remarks. I mumble these things to myself in privacy or semi-privacy.

Lately I’ve been talking to my torturers again. Since they stopped talking with and switched to talking at me I’ve said mostly “Fuck off.” to them. Now I’m telling them to shut up every morning in the shower. Such an improvement. I am forced to talk to them now when they don’t even acknowledge I’m a person.

The old version of this attack was done with the fantasy attacks. I would hold conversations with the invisible people. This was before my schizophrenia torture began. I am still being made to do this odd behavior. My costars changes with the wind. Today it was family oriented. It can be whatever the torture operator on shift decides it should be.

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