Dealing With and In Trauma

The following story of the death of my cousin should explain to you how a meaningful life event is taken advantage of by the torture group and turned into a farce.

Saturday night June, 2018

Dad was acting strange as he talked on the phone. The thought voice told me something big had happened. They said mom had trouble on her trip. She was out of town. When I questioned my dad he wouldn’t fill me in. It was my older sister who called and informed me that my cousin C had died.

Upon learning this news the torture group launched an attack. I was supposed to be in shock followed by tears. I was both feeling the sensation torture for sadness and detached by the calm and methodical thought voice narration of the torture. At no time did I react. I just experienced being tortured this way.

They kept me up late to smoke and cry. When my sister and I spoke to my mother I wailed about losing “my baby”. Even the computer found my choice of wording odd. Chelsea was never my baby or referred to as my baby by the torture group. She was my cousin and friend.

I was kept up later than normal in order to appropriately participate in the family event. After things quieted down I went to bed. The next few days I avoided visiting with the family at my Aunt’s house. Eventually I went there and their positive mood led the torture group in how to act.

The next few months featured an ever waning cousin C based torture. There was no time for me to process C’s death or work through my emotions. It was all about how the torture group wanted me to mourn. For me it was just another bad event from the torture group.

I’m too busy being physically controlled and experiencing being tortured to react to other information. I don’t get sad even when the torture group has me fake it. I can’t feel loss because I’ve essentially lost my ability to be in contact with my family a long time ago.

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