Christmas Night, 2011

The events of this one night in the first six months of my schizophrenia torture were so abnormal even for this time that they deserve their own post. It was after the events of christmas morning and the somewhat unremarkable torture following it. When I got home that night after drinking at the family christmas party I wasn’t tired. I went outside to smoke and listen to music.

David signaled me and the attack began. I saw a montage of memories past. It was visual technology based. It started with my siblings and I posing in front of the Christmas tree for a picture the year my twin got her white cowboy boots. It went into pictures and video of things I’d held dear. All my desired christmas and birthday presents, the ones I never got, things I owned and later threw out and other beautiful things I owned over the years until about five years prior.

I was stunned and momentarily forgot myself. I heard my thought voice say “They have everything on me”. This was supposed to be a grand display of their records on me. But I was under the torture group’s physical control during these times. Therefore I didn’t make the choice about which things I wanted for Christmas etc. and what I held dear to me.



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