The Fondling

During the first year of schizophrenia positive rape attacks were an everyday thing from the very first week on. Then they stopped. Well actually they were turned into negative sensation rape attacks. But the sensations of pain are typically less intense than before. Seven years on and every now and then I’ve received a positive feeling rape attack. Which is what happened the other day.

I was outside smoking alone and listening to music. I was standing when I felt a hand slip inside my vagina. This is pretty normal with the torture. When I say hand I mean it was shaped to have fingers and moved like fingers might be moved in a sexual situation. I don’t mean it felt right. It probably was missing fingers and true form.

I was forced to toss my head back in “ecstasy”. The sensation on most of my body like my back immediately had changed to positive. Part of my body felt very good. Part of me was being sexually assaulted. Part of my body was just like usual and was feeling pain. This attack was noticeable because of the high intensity level of the positive sensations used and the length of time (10-20 seconds) it lasted. And now back to normal pain.

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