In reading through my diary again I find I’ve been contradicting myself. At one time I did see video of me and other family members. This is hard to prove because everything from the first year of schizophrenia is highly suspected of being faked. But I remember this as a quality visual. This happened during the third week of schizophrenia in roughly July 4th-July 11th of 2011:
“Later that night when I go to bed they show me video of myself and my family at Seaworld when I was around 10 or 11 years old. I have pictures of this day and the video they show me briefly confuses me because it is different from the pictures.”
They showed me not just me but my brother and sisters as we pose for a picture my dad took that day. Because this event fell after the time my anxiety torture began I have access to the memories of this day.
That they might have shown me real footage they recorded during my torture is intriguing. I had to toss out all the footage of celebrities as faked. There was so little to prove they could be real or doing the things I saw them do. But this gem caught my eye today. I had forgotten how convinced I was that it was real. I’ve chosen to give it weight again.