I Hear Her (Me)

I wasn’t formally introduced to the audio voice who voiced my thoughts until the day they changed that voice to another female voice. Then they replayed the audio of my former thought voice speaking for me and it was like reliving the last fifteen years: or so my new thought voice believed. That’s right, they decided to continue telling me in thought statement form the things they want me to think, believe feel and want etc. etc. for the schizophrenia torture. I don’t know why they don’t want me to engage psychologically with my torture. I think they believe I’m completely invested in the audio which is my thought voice and I do not have my own independent thoughts. At least that’s what I’m forced to type. But writing is not hearing and hearing is knowing. At least in this torture.

As I’ve said recently the thought voice is calm. However she is the soundtrack for everything violent I experience. It’s not that she is capable of voicing a thought statement for every thing I would naturally be thinking. It’s that she covers more than the sensory torture technologies alone and goes into things like I like bees, bees are beautiful. She has a modicum of independence to her behavior while not officially operating as artificial intelligence.

The thought voice tells me what I’m about to do as well. Not that I get much warning. I’m typing out of the blue thoughts and sentences. I know they are pre-written. The thought voice is multiple audio tracks of the same voice speaking at once. If I learn any skills from my torture it is to listen to multiple voices speaking at once and understand them. Because the torture group believes that I do. So I must right? The cat is never wrong.

Think of an old fashioned armchair upholstered in purple velvet sitting underneath a window covered by louvers showing half light. The chair is covered in shadows darkening the purple velvet. The thought voice can’t describe all of that unless there is nothing else being talked about. She abbreviates descriptions. She focuses on what’s immediately in front of me or of importance. She gives out details no one needs because the torture group’s thought voice talks like a kindergartener in simple sentences except when she uses words she makes up that sound similar to real complex vocabulary words. The thought voice program gets confused about what are real words. It’s funny. 

Published by ti30years

Living in So. California. Victim of the T.I. torture since 1990. Child and adult victim of the torture. I share my torture experience to help people learn about the torture which continues to plague me and others. Not your average schizophrenic.

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