The Double Edged Saw

These are more of the odd things I experienced during my childhood torture and pre-schizophrenia. They don’t make much sense to me but they were done for some reason.

Pre-anxiety

As a young child I was shown this animation. The front of a great white shark’s face breaches the surface of the water. It flails its head back and forth. It looks like it’s screaming in pain. Because something in the dark water below is eating it.

I was at an elementary school event by the cafeteria with the other kids. I was playing with what they called my goiter. As I rolled and tilted my foot I could feel a bulging roundness under my inner sole. Like I was stepping on a soft ball. I moved my foot around enjoying the feeling.

I used to be made to run my pointer fingers across my wrist while I felt a sharp cutting sensations. This was a mimicry of cutting my wrists as in suicide.

Late teens-early twenties

Every time I heard a high pitched sharp sounding noise the torture group does a horrible unnatural inhuman sensation down my body and other pain in a false reaction like nails on a chalkboard.

I still see this oldie

I see this strange visual. It’s of a comically large old fashioned double sided tree saw like they show in Looney tunes. It appears on a black background. It’s a threat. I’m not supposed to like seeing it.

The torture group wants to do something by showing and doing these attacks. It’s a part of my torture not just some game the torture operator is playing. I would say these are a part of my psychological training. Whatever that’s supposed to be.

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