Describing my Early Anxiety (Torture)

It begin in connection to school and sleep. I don’t remember which came first. I either wasn’t getting enough sleep so i skipped school or I skipped school because I had a test and slept all day and failed the test from not sleeping right the night before. Something like that. But it snowballed. I skipped more and more school.

When they asked me why I said my stomach hurt, I was sick. And it did for a while. The torture group decided I should get anxiety inducing sensations. Or anxiety mimicking sensations. They were uncomfortable. Some of them were my old sickness sensation torture attacks. They did go away. So I lied and said they were still there.

I got these anxiety attacks. When we went out of the house I would get dressed up. The torture group would call me fat, ugly and unattractive and make me change my outfit. Some times I couldn’t find something I felt good in and I refused to go out. This was why they thought for a while I was agoraphobic.

When we’d go out to eat I would finish first and be ready to go. I was too shy to even give my order. It was embarrassing to speak up. I started fights I was so disruptive. This was part of why they called me oppositional defiant as my diagnosis.

My parents decided to try forcing me to go to the doctor for testing to figure out what was wrong with me. My biggest trick was to shut down and walk away from them or sit and glare from below my lowered brow. This got me called emotionally disturbed.

It wasn’t that I never felt comfortable. It’s that the torture group was doing attacks pretending I wasn’t happy anywhere but at home. They still attacked me at home but not like they attacked me outside of it. They were faking an anxiety disorder or they were trying to. Or they liked that diagnosis and stuck with it.

Published by ti30years

Living in So. California. Victim of the T.I. torture since 1990. Child and adult victim of the torture. I share my torture experience to help people learn about the torture which continues to plague me and others. Not your average schizophrenic.

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