My Sexuality

I was around four years old when my torture began. By the time I was in elementary school the torture group had decided I was heterosexual. They instigated a crush on a boy I had known all my life who was also a family friend. Boys stopped being an issue for a while until I turned nine and the forced masturbation happened. Then I needed content to masturbate to. So I was given crushes to daydream of. I also saw animated false footage of these crushes in porn.

I remember that my sexual interests were not so straight. In the changing room at the department store the torturer would share his sexual excitement at the thought of being surrounded by naked women and would rape me to the thought. The torturers were very interested in looking at playboy magazine with me.

Of all the crushes I’ve ever had the few women were not sexual. The torture group frequently used women in their rapes of me when I was younger than ten. Like the woman and her boyfriend were my face was forced into her crotch. The fantasy stories about the Girl featuring female pedophilia when I was in my twenties. They don’t have gender boundaries in their sexual torture.

In my first year of schizophrenia torture women sexually abusing me were a big feature. It was presumed that since i was straight women raping me were extra repulsive. Which is an opinion of a rapist. All rape is equally repulsive. In female sexual encounters where they pretended I consented and enjoyed the experience and I was only being forced to experience it as usual I was said to and forced to act uninhibited.

Let me be clear. My assigned sexuality is a construct of the torture group. I don’t know my sexual identity because I had not fully explored it at age four before my torture took over me. On the future of my sexuality the torture group predicts I will either be frigid or follow the path of so many other sexual assault survivors and be reckless in my sexual activity. But no one really knows.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s