Infatuated

The first crush the torture group gave me was on a long time childhood friend which was slightly inappropriate when I think about it. It was an unreciprocated crush. We remained good friends.

For many years the torture group created or used generic characters in sexual assaults on me. I remember an experience with a long term “boyfriend” who would sexually assault me, the rape with the couple where the woman wouldn’t show her face because I couldn’t see it over her crotch and the man wore a lucha libre mask. There were many incidents of sexual torture at this time. All before my anxiety torture in 1996.

I started developing crushes on celebrities. Actors and musicians were the choice of the torture group. This was when the torture group really got into sexually assaulting me by using these men as their avatars. I would develop a complex fantasy world based around the celebrity. I would be sexually assaulted for a long time while lying in bed watching the romance and porn of the characters unfold. Before it was over the torture group would make me masturbate as the finale. These typically lasted four months each.

The majority of the crush attacks are internal torture with some for others to see. This tells me how personally the torture operator takes these rape attacks. They want to keep them between us. They don’t need to do the fantasy story about the crush. They could just as easily suddenly jump in with the rape attacks. I’m supposed to find these crushes desirable for,the reasons the torture group brings up.

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