The name heartstrings also identifies what is called sometimes harp strings by my torturers. It’s a sensation technique of delivery. The torture technology is delivered in shapes and sizes of a mass no larger then a grapefruit most commonly. They run attacks in sections of the body not the entire body all together. Heartstrings is a shape which can be used with good or bad sensations. Positive heartstrings can be labelled excitement or joy. Negative heartstrings can be nausea or anxiety.

It’s a sensation and it works to run a specific effect. It begins as a feeling of  a line, it then is struck as one would pluck a string with the sensation moving throughout the line in a vibrating movement. Go look at a slow motion video of a string being plucked and you will see the movement of this sensation.

In designing the torture technology the torture group pre-programmed all torture attacks to be run easily by the torture operators with much of the randomness and live response from the torture group being the timing, stimulation to run, type of and duration of attacks the job of the semi-automated computer system. Heartstrings can be commonly used but it has special meaning in my torture. The boys love using it.



In the medical world hookworms are like tapeworms. To the torture group hookworms is the name they’ve given to a sensation anomaly in the torture. They picked it up from a book called “The Poisonwood Bible”. This is only the recent naming of a sensation I’ve felt for all of my torture. I’ll describe it:

At any time when I am in motion I feel a sudden small prickly pulling on my body. Most commonly this occurs on my legs. It as if something like a sharp fishing hook is being pulled out of my skin. It’s a small feeling. It’s only noticeable because it’s intense despite it’s small size. It happens then nothing else but acknowledgment that it occurred follows with it.

This sensation occurs at random. As some of the sensations do. I believe the torture technologies have more shortages and outages then the torture group will admit to. This sensation technology running error is not the same as any other sensations attack because it isn’t an attack. There are many of these anomalies. If you are a torture victim you know of them even if you dismiss them as deliberate. They don’t seem so to me.


I have one habit that the torturers do while controlling my body that I find most unusual. I pluck my hair. Not the hair on my head. Hair from anywhere else. It all started when Anya from Island View would pluck her eyelashes and crack the cartilage in her ears. I started doing this too. I was thirteen then. The torture group picks up habits sometimes. We couldn’t have razors in the therapy schools in Utah so my body hair was long. I would pluck my underarm hair. Other people thought it was weird but it didn’t hurt me and it was practical. Plus we had a lot of time to waste.

When I got home from Utah I didn’t have this habit. I stopped doing it. Until a few years before the schizophrenia torture began, roughly around 2009. I had been moved onto plucking mainly my leg hair. The torture group doesn’t like to have me shave my legs regularly. They hide the hair by wearing pants. They did like having me scratch at and pluck leg hair until I made wounds. Then I was banned from shaving until the wound healed so I wouldn’t infect it.

Now I’m still plucking hair. There was that time the torture group experimented with waxing but they hurt me and then gave that up. I get a euphoric sensation and pain for plucking hair. It’s meant to attract me to doing the behavior. But it also harms me. The torture group is kind of confused. I regularly pluck hair. I have an odd habit. I would say the torturer has an odd proclivity. This is another thing like the forced masturbation which doesn’t make sense in practice in my torture.


I get some attacks during my schizophrenia torture that I never routinely got before. One such attack has been popular for a year now. It’s the dizziness attack. It’s come and gone and returned and left again in the nearly years since this torture phase began. I’ll describe it to you:

Do you know what the water baby dolls were from the 90’s? They were plastic baby dolls where you filled the body of the doll with water to give the body a more human movement and weight. Think of taking that doll and tilting it to one side. All the pressure will rush to one side as well. That’s how the dizziness is done. It’s a pain sensation done in a mass amount in one area; in this case my head and sometimes my upper body.

I’ve been getting this attack when I cough really hard. Last year they liked to tell me it was my polycythemia vera which had raised my blood pressure combined with anemia which was making me dizzy. But I didn’t have anemia for the entire time the torture group ran these attacks. My blood pressure was normal. Medical tests prove the torture group’s claim was false.

I got this attack for months before it grew into a monster. I had an incident where I coughed so hard and so strangely that when I sat down quickly in a dizzy state the neighbor shouted out “Are you okay!”. I must have made a woozy sigh. After this one extreme attack the torture group lowered the intensity of the dizziness attacks and they grew more unpopular slowly being fazed out. Which is typical. The torture group does not want too much attention on me because of them.

Block Out The Sun

They say don’t stare into the sun but I used to. Throughout my early torture and into my anxiety torture phase I would look up and stare. But what I saw wasn’t the sun. I was seeing a torture visual. It looked like a solar eclipse. I was a black ball in front of the area where the sun was surrounded by bright twinkling light. I couldn’t see the sun. I suppose that made me safe.

When I would look away I would see that commonly spoken about lingering orb. Mine was black like the torture visual blocking the sun but it could also be white; sometimes it was both intermittently. I would blink my eyes and move my head and the orb would jump around and come in and out of existence. It would slowly stop appearing. I could also see this orb when looking at light bulbs. That attack went a little differently. That visual was white or yellow colored and twinkled more strongly.

There were these torture attacks all the time during my early torture. What the torture group got out of doing them I’m not always certain. Maybe they were testing their technology or running an experimental visual torture attack. My early torture and some of my anxiety torture were busy with what I consider a handful of some kind of scientific testing by the torture group. They were less focused on the negative sensation torture and the thought voice program then they are now.

Little Firebugs

This happened about three years ago. I was up at the family mountain house with my twin sister. I was out on the balcony smoking. She was asleep. I heard the sound of two young children just down the slope. They sounded like they were right below our house. Technically they might have been on our property. It was a boy and a girl. I couldn’t see them. I could almost make out what they were saying. I listened until I grew disinterested from not being able to make out their conversation then forgot about them.

A few hours later the police turned up. Turns out the children had set a fire down the street from our house. It was just off the street down a few houses from ours in front of another person’s house. It was put out quickly without the worst happening. But this was the dry southern California mountains in the middle of drought time. The danger was real. They went out to find the kids. I never found out how that went.

The whole point of relating this is that the torture group is watching me. They are watching me using video recording. They are listening as well. But that audio and video technology has a range. Were the children out of range? Likely. I was in and out of the house smoking and taking the dog out to do her business. The torture group was focused on me not my environment. They missed something vital. All because they dismissed two young children as innocent and carefree.

Incidents like this remind me that the torture group does not look out for me. They could have missed the fire and the resulting smoke but they certainly would have heard the furor over it. They didn’t inform me. It wasn’t until I saw the police car parked by my driveway when taking the dog out that they did something. Now I’ve had a refresher on one limit of the torture group’s recording range.

Uh Oh

I was getting a new crush attack. Crush attacks are when the torture operators select a new person often a celebrity in my case for use in audio/visual/sensation sexual torture attacks where it appears and sounds like the person is featured in romantic and sexual scenes I am shown. The new crush attack. He’s a teenager. He’s an actor like so many others they have used. He’s brand new to me. I’ve never seen him in anything but where I’ve just found out about him.

The torture group is showing me pornography of an underage character. Yes, the visual is of a young man. But they have done something. They’ve aged up the actor to seventeen. They show an older, more grown young man instead of the child sized one the actor really is. I guess they didn’t have the right footage available. Or even they found it creepy. This isn’t the first time they’ve changed a character’s age and appearance.

The scenes are based on what my life will be like post-torture. I always manage to somehow run into celebrities and become romantic partners with these impersonated men after my torture has ended in these stories set in the future. This is how they can age up the visuals of the actor being used. But as I see the scenes played out in stories of the future when things get sexual I feel the sexual torture sensations and am assaulted to the visuals of the impersonation.

The sexual sensations are positive sensations in this case. That’s not always how sexual torture is. It can be also be painful rape. But the torture group wouldn’t normally use an impersonation of a celebrity for negative rape. Until they get bored with the character and are ready to move on. These sensations always start off as positive. Positive in a universally pleasant way. I do like feeling good sensations even when I know it’s technically rape. If I had a choice I wouldn’t feel them.

I’m not aroused or pleased with the subject matter. I’m not sexually interested or satisfied by the torture attack. I don’t want it. But I don’t get to choose. I can’t stop it. I’m not so disturbed because I know it’s not real. I’m more physically pained when the crush attack turns into negative sensation torture. This doesn’t make me a pedophile or sexually deviant. I don’t feel guilty for being forced to experience this. The torture group does this. Regularly.